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Sarah B. Boyle
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​Dispatch

Re: Gun Day
Gun Day     is a proper noun here   I wasn't / around for Gun Day   it was two years / ago   A gun was found in the parking lot and protocol     said / search for a second gun if ever     a first /   is found   They   found   a second /  gun   inside    Today   is training day    what to do if Gun Day  recurs / To train    we listen to the 911 call from Columbine High School     tracked over the security camera footage of kids    running / The call is long 10 minutes    20 minutes /   30 minutes   The whole time   kids / killing kids /  and no adult comes into the building  / to stop them /   After Gun Day   /  Mrs. Carroll bought a gun   She said she / never    would buy a gun / good liberal and all    I am /   ungenerous /    I bet it's a pink fucking gun   like those hammers and screwdrivers that come in Laura Ashley flowers    so women /    will buy them    Mrs. Carroll bought /  a gun after spending a day locked in a room  / with her students    and her twins in utero    But she still doesn't know /    how to use it    / I cannot predict the future    but /    I will never buy a gun    / Years ago    NPR reported on a new law allowing teachers to conceal and carry / The woman on the phone    a teacher /    was confident    carrying her gun /   into the classroom    She knew / don't have a gun    if you cannot /    will not use   it   When asked    she confirmed /  yes /    I would    shoot    a student /   if he was threatening   / Shoot a student she would shoot /   a student    she would shoot / I will never buy    a gun / During the training a teacher asks    what to do if the students do not /  comply with police    orders during    a Gun Day    This is a good    / question    They do not trust the police    They will not / comply  And they are right    This is wrong    Someone   will / shoot 
Dispatch
Re: Pink
There is a beautiful   velvet   pink chair in the Arhaus  /  catalogue    I want that chair /    in a sunny corner /  which is to say I want /  $1,299   and my house to face    the opposite direction /  I want a chair   / that is   mine  that faces the   morning sun and   my face open /  bathed in the morning sun   / Next to it /   I will keep   large pile of / my / books and   / this tiny marble table /  $299 on sale /   holds my   hot tea   When I sit here / I think /  And when I curl up into it /   my hips do not   hurt and I don't have to worry / that I sit criss-cross applesauce   / all the time because my   body / still works   My massage therapist   works on my face   with her fingers /  every other week   because there is a / single point   behind my nose / toward which all of the muscles in my face draw in /   and I cannot open my face    I only close it / tighter   Yesterday she / worked her fingers into the hard pink gums behind my / molars to   release   what I have locked up / tight   In my dream last   the pink was   pepto pink / and I was going to a wedding with Mr. Barnes and Mr. Murray /   Murray had a pink tie / and Barnes wore pink trousers / and my dress was the same pink pink pink /  We were friends /  We  were  on  a  date /  I felt  / so loved / and supported   In the dream / also  then  a rabbit / fell   from a water-rotted whole in the ceiling / into the high school woodshop /   But   I was pinked   / loved  
Dispatch
From: the Bathroom
This is where I / cry   Another student lost   lost because   we cannot / I cannot help enough  Slam door   slam door   Slam and three doors between me / and the student /   I love / I lost  Toilet paper makes lousy / tissue and I /   push my eyes deep /   into my skull /   I see /   stars  receding into the black /   I am sure   / people can hear me howling /  down the hallway  I can do / no more  and now  she is yelling at me /  because I do not have enough handouts   I am empty handed when my hands should be  / overflowing   I am /   overflowing and she cannot feel /  my love /   I love you but today others /   have taken all the love   I am found / wanting  And I do /  want  a quiet  warm space  a happy ending /  an ending   at all 
Dispatch
Re: Childline
I suppose    I   / should / be grateful this woman    this mother didn't report /    me to Childline   I have lost / faith in who I am /   here /   I am /   ineffective /   my words   fall like ash /   on the proceedings /   weighing   nothing  and  noticed   little / except as annoyance /   Another volcanic   explosion /   from Boyle /   Pay no mind    she'll / blow over soon enough    I am / data  in the spreadsheet   and / lost   For one / I am   racist / For two   / I am abusive   / The writers in my writing class     /  are all failing   / save three    These numbers   /   are incantations  /   I always knew   I  would have to leave  /  when the math failed    When what   I got /  was less than the price  / extracted   The 8 panicked texts   / I sent   received only /   1 answer   from a text group of 7    There's a magic / in this text chain    /   If someone   responds  by  8pm / I will  stay  If I have messages /    in the morning by 5am  /  I will stay    I will stay    /   I can't stay Divination by text message   /   No responses   yet    Yet    this magic is more powerful   than I   / realized 

SARAH B. BOYLE is a poet, mother, and teacher. She has written a lot of poems and essays about her body, rape culture, and abortion. Her chapbook What's pink & shiny/what's dark & hard was published by Porkbelly Press. Find her online at impolitelines.com.
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