Sarah B. Boyle
Dispatch
Re: Gun Day
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Gun Day is a proper noun here I wasn't / around for Gun Day it was two years / ago A gun was found in the parking lot and protocol said / search for a second gun if ever a first / is found They found a second / gun inside Today is training day what to do if Gun Day recurs / To train we listen to the 911 call from Columbine High School tracked over the security camera footage of kids running / The call is long 10 minutes 20 minutes / 30 minutes The whole time kids / killing kids / and no adult comes into the building / to stop them / After Gun Day / Mrs. Carroll bought a gun She said she / never would buy a gun / good liberal and all I am / ungenerous / I bet it's a pink fucking gun like those hammers and screwdrivers that come in Laura Ashley flowers so women / will buy them Mrs. Carroll bought / a gun after spending a day locked in a room / with her students and her twins in utero But she still doesn't know / how to use it / I cannot predict the future but / I will never buy a gun / Years ago NPR reported on a new law allowing teachers to conceal and carry / The woman on the phone a teacher / was confident carrying her gun / into the classroom She knew / don't have a gun if you cannot / will not use it When asked she confirmed / yes / I would shoot a student / if he was threatening / Shoot a student she would shoot / a student she would shoot / I will never buy a gun / During the training a teacher asks what to do if the students do not / comply with police orders during a Gun Day This is a good / question They do not trust the police They will not / comply And they are right This is wrong Someone will / shoot
Dispatch
Re: Pink There is a beautiful velvet pink chair in the Arhaus / catalogue I want that chair / in a sunny corner / which is to say I want / $1,299 and my house to face the opposite direction / I want a chair / that is mine that faces the morning sun and my face open / bathed in the morning sun / Next to it / I will keep large pile of / my / books and / this tiny marble table / $299 on sale / holds my hot tea When I sit here / I think / And when I curl up into it / my hips do not hurt and I don't have to worry / that I sit criss-cross applesauce / all the time because my body / still works My massage therapist works on my face with her fingers / every other week because there is a / single point behind my nose / toward which all of the muscles in my face draw in / and I cannot open my face I only close it / tighter Yesterday she / worked her fingers into the hard pink gums behind my / molars to release what I have locked up / tight In my dream last the pink was pepto pink / and I was going to a wedding with Mr. Barnes and Mr. Murray / Murray had a pink tie / and Barnes wore pink trousers / and my dress was the same pink pink pink / We were friends / We were on a date / I felt / so loved / and supported In the dream / also then a rabbit / fell from a water-rotted whole in the ceiling / into the high school woodshop / But I was pinked / loved
Dispatch
From: the Bathroom This is where I / cry Another student lost lost because we cannot / I cannot help enough Slam door slam door Slam and three doors between me / and the student / I love / I lost Toilet paper makes lousy / tissue and I / push my eyes deep / into my skull / I see / stars receding into the black / I am sure / people can hear me howling / down the hallway I can do / no more and now she is yelling at me / because I do not have enough handouts I am empty handed when my hands should be / overflowing I am / overflowing and she cannot feel / my love / I love you but today others / have taken all the love I am found / wanting And I do / want a quiet warm space a happy ending / an ending at all
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Dispatch
Re: Childline I suppose I / should / be grateful this woman this mother didn't report / me to Childline I have lost / faith in who I am / here / I am / ineffective / my words fall like ash / on the proceedings / weighing nothing and noticed little / except as annoyance / Another volcanic explosion / from Boyle / Pay no mind she'll / blow over soon enough I am / data in the spreadsheet and / lost For one / I am racist / For two / I am abusive / The writers in my writing class / are all failing / save three These numbers / are incantations / I always knew I would have to leave / when the math failed When what I got / was less than the price / extracted The 8 panicked texts / I sent received only / 1 answer from a text group of 7 There's a magic / in this text chain / If someone responds by 8pm / I will stay If I have messages / in the morning by 5am / I will stay I will stay / I can't stay Divination by text message / No responses yet Yet this magic is more powerful than I / realized
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SARAH B. BOYLE is a poet, mother, and teacher. She has written a lot of poems and essays about her body, rape culture, and abortion. Her chapbook What's pink & shiny/what's dark & hard was published by Porkbelly Press. Find her online at impolitelines.com.