Bright and Stupid and See-Through
I am inside Forever21
lost somewhere inside
of myself thinking
I see a crop top.
Not what we see
but how we see it
In exchange for pain, desire
and a skirt that constantly sheds sparkles.
In the change room I want to be something
between a star and a flower.
It seems insane that one minute you’re nothing and then you’re DNA and then
you become form and then
one day you are born.
And then one day you are just nobody
rifling through the clothes
that no one else wanted
in the cluttered H&M sale section
in the basement of a mall
in a sick sad world.
Feeling far away from
vapid and hungry.
Clarity in the sense of transparence.
Clarity in the sense of silence.
Clarity in the sense of mesh polyester.
I buy a flower pattern transparent top
and smile at the sales girl
who doesn’t really smile back
or notice me at all.
She asks me for my email
without giving me an option to say no
but I say ‘No, thanks’ anyways.
And I accidentally tear the seam
of the shirt when I get home
when trying to tear the washing instructions tag
off of it.
I feel guilty about purchasing the top.
Clarity in the sense of a pattern.
Clarity in the space between glitter.
We are the drowsy children of the abyss
why are we so bright and stupid